


A Rose A Day Keeps The ANBU Away

by coolgirl3890, mandapandabug



Series: Poor, Unfortunate ANBU [2]
Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Apologies, F/F, Flowers, Hokage Hatake Kakashi, Idiots in Love, Iruka Week, Iruka Week 2021, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Old Married Couple, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Romantic Comedy, Starring: Rabbit the Traumatized ANBU!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29947701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolgirl3890/pseuds/coolgirl3890, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandapandabug/pseuds/mandapandabug
Summary: Tiger is tired.The headmaster was mad at the Hokage for some stupid reason or another (what else is new) and the Hokage was taking it as well as usual. He decides to make his elite fighting force operative deliver apology flowers. Is this really the best use of resources?Luckily for Kakashi, the number one rule of ANBU is don’t disobey your Hokage.(Sequel to Compromising Positions)
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Original Female Character/Original Female Character
Series: Poor, Unfortunate ANBU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2202390
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13
Collections: Iruka Week 2021





	A Rose A Day Keeps The ANBU Away

**Author's Note:**

> Another collab with [mandapandabug](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandapandabug/pseuds/mandapandabug)! 
> 
> Compromising Positions was surprisingly popular and fun to write, so we decided to make a series of short stories about how Kakashi tortures his poor ANBU when he's around Iruka. Rabbit makes a cameo for all of you wondering what happened to him.
> 
> We are sneaking this into Iruka Week. If you squint it is for the prompt Kekkei Genkai (bloodline limits)... I mean we used the term sooo it counts, right? Manda takes full blame if that is unacceptable haha.
> 
> Enjoy!

It all started when shouting was heard from the Hokage's office. 

She and several of her comrades were in the ANBU Locker Room, a few floors below the office, when it began. Like the finely-tuned, trained operatives they were, they all stood at attention and were mere milliseconds away from jumping into battle mode. It was Fox who had stopped them all from flickering to their Rokudaime's side with a single comment.

"I know that voice. It's the Lord Sixth's husband." 

Weapons and hands were lowered, even though most of the soldiers knew their Hokage was in danger. None of them were brave enough to face Headmaster Umino's wrath. 

Two brave souls, Mantis and Boar, decided to lurk close enough to the Hokage Tower to 'gather intel' (AKA, tune into some juicy drama). Tiger and the rest wandered about awkwardly as the yelling continued at a steady rhythm. No words could be heard, but the volume lowering and rising at certain intervals was all it took to make the harden assassins flinch.

After ten more tense minutes of muffled yelling, there was a deadly silence. The ANBU looked between each other unsure. Their hesitation was interrupted when the doors to the office were loudly slammed closed. Iruka was heard grumbling angrily down the hall and out of the building. With the _slam_ of the last set of doors which so rudely got in the headmaster's way, an eerie calm took over. 

Rabbit had the stack of reports from the mission desk that day that he needed to get the Hokage. He had turned around and was waiting with the others when they heard that Iruka was in the office. He didn’t want a repeat of last time. A shiver still ran up his spine with those memories. He didn’t want to be here.

He looked over and noticed Tiger. She owed him a favor after he took over her shift last week for her birthday. He was going to use that to his advantage in order to avoid the Hokage post-Iruka at all costs.

“Tiger,” She looked up, head cocked to the side, “I need you to deliver these mission reports to the Hokage for me.”

“Why would I do that? You got legs, don’t you?” Tiger asked, highly suspicious.

“You owe me a favor and I’m cashing in.” Rabbit replied, hoping to high-tail it out of the building as soon as he could. He was technically still on psych leave due to “The Incident” and couldn’t handle the idea of the Hokage talking about his husband with him. He needed more time to heal.

“Wow, that's all?” Tiger questioned eagerly. She just won the lottery with how easy this would be! 

Little did she know how not-easy it would end up being.

“You’ll owe me nothing, and I’ll owe you nothing either.” The second part of that sentence confused Tiger, but she nodded and shook Rabbit’s hand.

“Yeah, yeah, sure fine.” She grabbed the papers from him and tried not to judge the man as he bolted out of the building once more.

Tiger tried to shrug off her paranoia, but did enter the office a little more wary than normal.

“Sir.” She greeted the back of the Hokage chair, creeped out by the silence. Was he even there? 

With a prolonged _creak_ , the chair slowly spun around. The first word that came to Tiger's mind upon seeing her illustrious leader was _despondent_. 

The Lord Sixth looked like the poster boy for Depression. His spiky, silver hair drooped over his headband. The leather of the seat seemed to engulf his form, making it look as if he was becoming one with the chair. His eyes, the sole indicator of his emotions to the rest of the world, were glazed over and lifeless. Tiger was in the presence of a broken man.

"Sir, I have the mission reports you requested." 

No response. Tiger was beginning to worry. She considered running out to grab a medic-nin until finally, Kakashi made a vague hand gesture towards his inbox. 

Tiger approached the desk as one would a wild animal. The Rokudaime's eyes remained downcast as she deposited the papers and cautiously backed off. 

"...If that is all, Hokage-sama."

Looking back, Tiger wished she hadn't said that. Maybe if she kept her mouth shut, she could've avoided what was to come.

"How does one make up with their significant other after a fight?" Kakashi asked, voice reduced to a monotone.

Needless to say, Tiger was shocked, both by her leader's tone and the personal nature of his question. But the Hokage had asked her a direct question, so she had no choice but to answer.

"I'm afraid I don't know, sir." Tiger said regretfully. She had no experience with romantic relationships, given her busy life as ANBU. Unless she finally worked up the courage to ask out that cute civilian girl who worked at the tea house, her single status wouldn't be changing anytime soo

The Rokudaime was clearly hoping for a better answer. Tiger watched helplessly as Kakashi Hatake sunk further into his chair, his lanky body making a slow descent to the floor. 

This couldn't continue, both for the Hokage's sake and the village's.

"After my parents fought, my father would buy my mother flowers as an apology." Tiger supplied.

Kakashi perked up. “Flowers? What kind of flowers? How many flowers? Is there a time limit?!” Kakashi went from depressed lug to panicked lump. “What if I’m already too late to give the apology and he never forgives me?!”

Tiger stood shell-shocked. “Uuuuuuh…” She needed to say something to calm her boss down. This was an odd change from the cool, stoic leader she had known from the war and before. She was starting to worry that marriage was actually making Kakashi less stable as a human.

“Okay, no, don’t worry Hokage-sama, sending the flowers too early could also be a problem.” Tiger was not sure if that was comforting after Kakashi made a very strange noise.

“They can be too early as well?! Explain the timeframe. I need to properly apologize!”

“Well, maybe if you let me know what the fight was about, I can better assess the severity?” Treating this like a mission could help. If she got enough background information, maybe she could logic out an appropriate response or know who to ask for better advice.

“I messed up.” Kakashi was whining. Tiger didn’t even know he was capable of making such noises. She wasn’t sure if she would ever get used to this new, post-war Kakashi.

“Could you… elaborate? I need a report to properly help you.” Tiger added, hoping to get this over with. She kept eyeing the door, but she couldn’t in good conscious leave the man like this. It didn’t mean that she was happy about missing her “appointment” (AKA date [AKA daily visit]) to the cafe for tea and “ogling the barista”, as her teammates would say. 

Hearing Tiger say 'report', Kakashi snapped to attention like a good soldier. It was such a sudden transformation that it almost frightened her.

“Iruka and I were overheard having...relations in my office.” Tiger’s eyes doubled in size. She didn’t want to know this… 

“We were… very enthusiastic, Iruka in particular.” 

Tiger spared a glance at the portraits of the past Hokages looming overhead. How could anyone dare commit such vulgar acts as their forefathers loomed over them? As if he could read her mind, Kakashi gave the most lecherous smirk that showed even behind his mask. He shook it off, continuing with a flat look.

“We were informed by our Head of Hospital to… refrain from further acts in the office as many of her ANBU clients were experiencing mental health ramifications from overhearing." The bastard didn't even sound ashamed from being called out. "Iruka was mortified by this, then he got angry because I told him I soundproofed the office with seals…. but I didn't"

"Why didn't you?" 

The faintest of blushes dusted the top of Kakashi's cheeks. Tiger was floored by the sight. The man was infamous for reading porn in public and could casually tell his ANBU agent about his semi-public sexual endeavours, but **_this_ **was when he began to blush? 

"I…. I got distracted." He mumbled in confession. 

Tiger was no super-genius (and frankly, she was getting suspicious of the rumors that her Hokage was), but she could connect the dots and suddenly Rabbit’s behavior from earlier looked a lot more rational. Pity filled her soul for her comrade. She could feel her psyche breaking just from hearing her Hokage talk about it, she couldn’t imagine how torturous it was to have been there when it was actually happening. 

“Wow, you **really** messed up, Hokage-sama.” Tiger said, too shocked to be gentle to the man who mere moments before was an emotional wreck. The insanity of it all made her words informal.

She didn’t really want to be here anymore, listening to this terrifying information, so she went with the extreme for advice and hoped he would let her leave.

“I suggest roses. They are the flower for love and you need to show him that you love him. They’re popular and impressive, he’ll know you mean business." The Hokage fucked up big time, he needed the grandest of gestures for a chance to simmer his husband's temper. "...I suggest going big here, boss.” 

The Lord Sixth slammed his fist onto the desk as if he’d just made an official decree. Tiger wasn’t too proud when she jumped a little from the sheer volume of it.

“That’s it! Tiger, I need you to go to Yamanaka’s flower shop and buy two--no,--four dozen roses and deliver them to the Headmaster! Write it down as a mission expense, money is no concern!” 

This was getting ridiculous. Tiger needed to say something before she ended up missing her entire lunch break. “Hokage-sama, with all due respect, I believe such a mission is beneath the responsibilities of an ANBU operative.”

Kakashi looked down, his hokage hat blocking his face completely, but he radiated a deadly aura. “And what responsibility, pray tell, is more important than love?”

Tiger’s jaw dropped to the floor and a garbled noise was her only reply. Icha Icha had rotten this great man’s mind! There was no logical response to that.

“Besides, you are my elite force, I’ll decide what is within your 'responsibilities'.” Kakashi was suddenly smiling cheerfully up at Tiger, and she had never felt so much fear before as a chill rang up her spine. How did he change emotions so quickly!?

She bowed her head and could barely manage a “roger” as she body flickered out of the office, happy to finally be free but completely flabbergasted by what just happened.

~ ~ ~

Which was where Tiger found herself now, walking to the Academy and holding enough roses to keep a bee colony fed for an entire year. Civilians and shinobi alike were gawking at her. She would’ve stuck to the roofs just to avoid the stares, but the blonde florist warned that the flowers were delicate and swift movement would make the petals fall off the stem. Tiger wasn’t going to take that risk, not after suffering through the humiliation of buying the damned things.

At least the bouquet was large enough to obscure her vision of most of the confused strangers. 

She made it to the academy yard and had to rely on pure instinct to avoid the mass of children suddenly crowding around her.

“What are you doing with all those flowers?”

“Are you in love?!”

“I’m allergic to pollen so you need to leave.”

"Whoever gave you those flowers probably has cooties!"

“Flowers are so romantic!”

“Flowers are stupid, only giiiiirls like flowers.”

She tried to ignore the interrogation from the hellions and focused on finding Iruka. He would probably be in his office, so she made her way to the academy entrance.

“What do you think you are doing at MY academy, causing such a scene?!” 

Tiger froze at the commanding tone. Looked like her target found her first. Suddenly, she felt a lot more sympathy for her Hokage.

It was never wise to have your back to a hostile, so Tiger turned around to face her boss's husband. Iruka Umino looked furious, if that alarmingly-big vein protruding from his forehead was not an obvious enough sign. The scowl he had made Tiger wish she took the time to write out her will before agreeing to this mission. 

_Has this guy ever heard of not shooting the messenger?!_ Tiger panicked in the safety of her mind. 

No, she had to get herself together! If flowers could quell the murderous wrath of her mother when her father royally screwed up, they too could bring the former teacher's anger back down to a reasonable level. 

Tiger held out the roses, hoping they were close enough for Iruka to catch a whiff of their calming perfume. “Umm, these are from the Hokage--”

“Oh, I know EXACTLY who those are from, don’t patronize me!” Oh no, he was still pissed! This was a bad idea. Why did she suggest this stupid plan in the first place?! 

“And you can tell your Ho-ka-ge that he can shove those roses, thorns and all, right up his--" The Headmaster paused, eyes darting around at the many children still lingering by the entrance. "... you know where." 

"...Headmaster...you know I can't say that to him." Tiger whimpered ( _whimpered! What kind of kekkei genkai did this man possess that it brought the Hokage and the ANBU to their knees?)_

The Headmaster gave her a glare that dared she censor his words. Tiger realized that she had no choice but to comply if she wished to live to see another day. And with that, Iruka called the children back in from their lunch break. Clearly he was done with her.

“…Okay.” Tiger did not know what to do. She decided retreat was her only option against a far superior opponent. Ridiculously oversized and overpriced bouquet in her arms, Tiger speed-walked away. 

She failed her mission. In all her years of being a shinobi, Tiger had never failed a mission before. She always saw things through till the end. But now, now she was forced to do the Walk of Shame(™) back to her Hokage's office and quite possibly curse him out if she did end up following Iruka's instructions. 

So caught up in her pity, Tiger didn’t realize she was heading for the Tea Shop until she was in line. The patrons and employees looked at the ANBU and her large burden with a small smirk of understanding. Regulars knew the real tea here was the ANBU's not-so-secret crush. 

Before she could gather her wits, Tiger was the next in line and was staring blankly at the object of her ( _not creepy, thank you very much, Fox!_ ) affection. She gulped. How had she gotten here? Her body must've walked itself here out of routine while her mind made plans for how to live as a disgraced ninja. 

The barista, Rōzu, batted away her co-workers' elbows as they nudged her and winked. “Umm… Tiger-chan, are those… for someone special? They're incredibly beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you.” 

Where did that line come from?! Tiger had never been so smooth before. Was Kakashi's love-induced brain rot contagious? Normally she was a babbling mess! Her teammates mercilessly teased her with how she could cut a man's head clean off without flinching but could barely stammer out a sentence when Rōzu came to their table. Somehow, her adrenaline was pounding and it made her into someone different. 

Then again, she just faced her toughest opponent and lost. She would most likely have to resign from the ANBU from the shame of it all. What else did she have to lose?

“Will you-I mean, would you like to maybe, go out sometime?” Tiger asked, handing the entire bouquet over the counter. It was bold and direct. She was so grateful that her blush was hidden by the porcelain mask.

Rōzu’s response was a fast and loud, “Yes!” There was a silence that followed in which both women gathered their wits. The patrons and co-workers broke it with cheers and Rōzu blushed before replying more calmly with, “I mean, I would love to, yes.”

Rōzu was taking a chance, on her of all people! Tiger was pretty sure the barista never even saw her face! But if she learned nothing else from today, it was that bold gestures could either make or break you. 

~ ~ ~ 

A week later, Tiger was standing guard outside her Hokage's office, humming a jaunty little tune under her breath. Last night, she had her first, perfect, wonderful, spectacular, fantasmic date with Rōzu.

Tiger was pleasantly surprised when the Hokage didn't force her to resign or go into exile upon learning that she failed his mission. He didn't even get mad when she told him that she ended up giving the flowers to someone else. Moody? Definitely, and from what her comrades told her, it wasn't ending anytime soon. If Mantis was to be believed, a rain cloud had actually formed over the Sixth's head. 

Oh well, it wasn't her problem anymore!

…Maybe she should be more empathetic to her leader. After all, it was partially because of him that she worked up the nerve to ask Rōzu out, and got to meet her for the first time without her feline mask. Normally, ANBU had to go through ungodly amounts of redtape if they wished to pursue a relationship with someone outside the black-ops, but Kakashi insisted that she couldn’t fall in love properly behind a mask (which she found ironic since Kakashi always had a mask on) and gave her permission to have dinner with her date in a private location without it. The civilian girl agreed to a homemade dinner at Tiger’s apartment and said it was a shame that she had to cover such perfection all the time. Tiger still blushed at the memory. 

So caught up in reliving last night, she didn't notice the door open.

“Oh, Tiger, I didn’t notice you there. I wanted to apologize for yelling at you last week.” Iruka had emerged from the Hokage’s office, flushed and with a very large smile on his face. “I heard my husband helped you get a date! He’s such a hopeless romantic.” He smiled shyly and shook his head at memories that Tiger was not privy to. She hoped to never be.

“Anyway, I’m sorry you had to get involved in our little fight.” Little was an understatement, but Tiger thought it safer to let Iruka believe that. 

“So it’s over?” She asked, instantly regretting it. Why did she engage? It was hard not to respond when the man was smiling so kindly and openly. This must be part of that kekkei genkai she speculated about. 

“Oh, it was nothing serious…” Iruka waved his hand dismissively at her obvious worry.

**That** was nothing? Tiger feared whatever Iruka deemed a serious fight. She wasn’t sure she could protect her leader from that.

“Anyway, I just wanted to apologize and thank you for your efforts. Oh, and congratulate you on your date! I heard it went well.” Iruka winked at her as he made his escape.

How had he known how it went? It was just last night! Tiger didn’t have time to ponder the magical rumor-gathering powers of the Headmaster. Her Hokage had just poked his head out of his office door and was addressing her.

“Did you hear anything?” He asked, eyebrow quirked and robes in disarray.

“No, sir, it had been pin-drop silent actually…” Tiger responded. Then, it all clicked.

Iruka was happy again and flushed. Kakashi was also flushed and readjusting his clothing…

Despite everything, Kakashi was a good Hokage. A cool one, even, because he didn't say anything as Tiger proceeded to laugh her ass off. 

What a time to be alive!


End file.
